| I don't want be just a memory to you. |
[Jul. 26th, 2005|05:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | brandnew - tautou | ] |
"i stood on my roof, and tried to see you,
forgeting about me.."
"And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?"
P.S.:
This is the last entry i will ever post.
Goodbye.
- Tori Clark - |
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| the ground folds |
[Jul. 26th, 2005|10:21 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | senses fail | ] |
Just throw it back, for one more night
On a starlit and moon-struck night.
The ground did fold and eat us both
But all my love, I did devote.
Beneath the rafters the angels sing
Spinning violence and playing with my heart.
The song I wrote, it was for you.
To live inside of me, I'm dying inside you.
Lost inside another crash
The bones I had, turned into ash.
The world did cry, the night you died
And I am no good at suicide.
Beneath the rafters the angels sing
Spinning violence and playing with my heart.
The song I wrote, it was for you.
To live inside of me, I'm dying inside you.
But I lost what was mine, and I want what was mine.
And I lost what was mine, and I want what was mine.
My heart now it always breaks, the blood did drip and I did take, (And I lost...)
another wish, another kiss, no more will for me to kill. (...what was mine)
We'd run away in our dismay, but please, come back to me. (I want...)
Just throw it back, for one more night
On a starlit and moon-struck night.
The ground did fold and eat us both
But all my love, to you.
The song I wrote, it was for you.
To live inside of me, I'm dying inside you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2005|11:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cranky | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | northstar | ] |
eat your words but dont go hungry
your words have always nearly hung me.
what are words worth?
i felt alive - i died
11/12/04 - 7/15/05
smiles and regrets?
whatever, it's
dead and gone.
you coward. |
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| there's no I in team now is there? |
[Jul. 25th, 2005|08:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | gwen - cool | ] |
i just got out of the hospital. after 10 days.
ciera and i broke up. she took everything and left.
for good.
im back on my meds.
everything is gonna be different now..
better in ways, worse in best held in my throat where it shall forever stay.
kieran's flying in tomorrow for a few days.
hunter is coming in monday for 3 weeks. so im stoked.
i hate it when you make a mistake. but its not a mistake, its...well...i dont know, but you feel wrong for it. yet, the more it happens, you like it, not love it. but you know in the end,
it's always the same.
i'm back. |
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| In the city. |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|03:53 pm] |
|
I won't be here to see you again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2005|12:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
dude, i caught a fucking bat! |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|06:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
i have panic/anxiety disorder.
and im back on meds for it.
thats all they and i know so far.. |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|07:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
Your heart still belongs in your past.
Why didn't you fucking tell me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2005|09:47 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | bif naked | ] |
waitin for she shoer to come and shoe the horses/pony because everyone else left.
so, its another day home alone. i gotta find something else to do other than this and that.
p.s. today was the first time i learned to fax papers all by myself. just thought i'd share the excitement... |
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| goodbye to you, you're taking up my time. |
[Jul. 5th, 2005|10:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
my mom has completely lost herself. it's so fucking...i cant even think of only one word to describe how this feels.
she is a total raging alchoholic. she has so respect or appreciation for anyone. everything is all about her.
reality for her now, is:
she has no such thing as a 16 year old daughter, her "boyfriend" is her servent, or better yet, her dog, she's the only one who deserves sympathy,
and everything revolves around her life long dream and nothing can stand in the way
and if you dont like it, then leave.
why does she want me here? i make her life oh so miserable and im a total "bitch" whenever i dont get my way. wich is kind of funny because i dont want anything my way with her.
whenever we talk, its her starting the words and always resulting as a demand or letting me know what a fuck up i am.
now "how are you?" "wanna talk?" or even an "i love you tori"
the last time i heard my mom say that to me on her own was probably way back when i got arrested with scott.
if its every said, the words are abreviated at it's best.
oh she's not getting to me,
its just suddenly hitting me that what i thought i knew and loved as a mother is gone. why do i feel so betrayed?
it's hitting me real hard. |
|
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| breaking the promise ring. |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|12:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
you may be coming back,
back to everyone who is a damn in your life.
but i wont let you come back to me,
it was a big leap, but i made it, unlike you.
im over it.
dont try to IM me, call me, write me, nothing.
i never knew you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 2nd, 2005|11:33 am] |
ciera and i got tickets for tee and ess on the 2nd of august.
we also plan to move out by the end of july, dont worry, my brother ryan is gonna be there for us all the way, we got it all figured out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2005|12:42 pm] |
i went to the doctor today and resulted in being stuck with a heart moniter for a week.
every time an unusual feeling in my chest or pain occurs, i have to push the "record" button wich sends it back to the hospital.
it also moniters my heart rate wich is jumps back and forth from 83-120. and it randomly buzzes and beeps because their doing something on the computer with it or i dont know. but the lady was nice and gave me a bunch of the little sticky buttons that i have to attatch to myself everytime im using the moniter.
im so fucking thirsty. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2005|06:58 pm] |
we're leaving today.
we got a puppy. its a 5 week old pitbull/german shepherd.
his name is ' monday '. yeah. lame i know.
umm..what else, whatelse...
nothing.
oh,
scotts a prick and terrance comes home in a month. by then i plan to be back down here for san diego pride and tegan and sara. |
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| my eyes just keep failing to find you with me. |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|02:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
i havent seen her in 24 hours.
i havnt spoken to her in like 4 or 5, therefore, i dont know when she's coming back.
i think i want to go home tonight. i dont want to be here anymore.
especially without her. |
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| home is where your heart is. |
[Jun. 22nd, 2005|12:27 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
ciera and i left last night for cali.
we left at like 12:30ish am.
didnt get here until around noon. driving non-stop, no sleep.
ciera and i hung out with friends and drove around.
its felt soo good to be back at first..
but something feels strange here.
im not feeling what i expected. i dont feel right here. not anymore.
im staying at a friends house for the whole week. ciera is driving to LA tomorrow night and isn't coming back to pick me up until tuesday or whenever she's through with LA.
i know there is no good in her being there. not for her, not for her family. what difference will it make? really.
i think i want to go home. |
|
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| cuz you left the frays from the ties you severed, when you say best friends means friends forever. |
[Jun. 20th, 2005|04:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | brandtson - waking up to yellow | ] |
i had a dream about zoe last night. it was pretty intense..
nina and i were waiting for her at a bus station with tons of other kids who were waiting for their friends. she finally comes and i stand back and nina's hugging her and saying how much she's missed her and stuff and i just stand there..waiting for her to notice me..
nina goes, "i'll be right back im gonna go grab a drink"
and the zoe looks up at me and theres a huge grin across her face and i give a huge tight hug like im never going to let go and i said "i thought you had forgotten about me.." and then she totally starts crying really fucking hard and says,"tori, i could never fucking forget you." and we just stood there holding eachother and i felt myself cry in my dream, yet i was soo fucking happy. and the rest i can barely remember except nina coming back and us all driving in some green jeep with some other friends and zoe and i just talking.
when i woke up, i wanted to cry and i couldn't stop thinking about the dream all fucking morning.
i fucking miss her so much. i've never lost a best friend before. i've never even had a best friend before until i met zoe.
i never knew the meaning of a best friend until i met you.
god i miss you.. |
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